“Behold what manner of love is this the Father has lavished on us…
Surely He took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered Him stricken by God,
smitten by Him, and afflicted.
But He was pierced for our transgressions,
He was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him,
and by His wounds we are healed.
We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
and the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.”
(1 John 3:1; Isaiah 53:4-6)

“Scorn has broken my heart and has left me helpless;
I looked for sympathy, but there was none,
for comforters, but I found none.”
(Psalm 69:20)

“Then they spit in his face and struck him with their fists.
Others slapped him and said, ‘Prophesy to us, Christ. Who hit you?’
They spit on him, and took the staff and struck him on the head again and again…
then they led him away to crucify him.”
(Matthew 26:67, 68; 27:30,31)

“He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
and as a sheep before her shearers is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.
By oppression and judgment he was taken away.
And who can speak of his descendants?
For he was cut off from the land of the living;
for the transgression of my people he was stricken.
He was assigned a grave with the wicked, with the rich in his death,
though he had done no violence, nor was any deceit in his mouth.”
(Isaiah 53:7-9)

“Is it nothing to you, all you who pass by? Look around and see.
Is any suffering like my suffering that was inflicted on me,
that the Lord brought on me in the day of his fierce anger?”
(Lamentations 1:12)

“I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint…
My strength is dried up like a potsherd,
and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth;
you lay me in the dust of death.
I can count all my bones; people stare and gloat over me.
They divide my garments among them and cast lots for my clothing.”
(Psalm 22:14-15, 17-18)

“They put gall in my food and gave me vinegar for my thirst.”
(Psalm 69:21)

“There they offered Jesus wine to drink, mixed with gall;
but after tasting it, he refused to drink it.
When they had crucified him, they divided up his clothes by casting lots.”
(Matthew 27:34-35)

“All who see me mock me; they hurl insults, shaking their heads:
‘He trusts in the Lord; let the Lord rescue him.
Let him deliver him, since he delights in him.’
(Psalm 22:7-8)

“Those who passed by hurled insults at him, shaking their heads…
In the same way the chief priests,
the teachers of the law and the elders mocked him.
“He saved others, but he can’t save himself!
…He trusts in God. Let God rescue him now if he wants him, for he said,
‘I am the Son of God.’”
(Matthew 27:39, 41-43)

“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from saving me,
so far from the words of my groaning?
O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer,
by night, and am not silent.”
(Psalm 22:1)

“About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice,
“Eloi, eloi, lama sabacthani?
– which means, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice,
he gave up his spirit.”
(Matthew 27:46, 50)

“Behold, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!”
(John 1:29)

Man of Sorrows

Matthew 26:2 – 28:20

This has always been the hardest part of the gospel for me to read, especially after watching The Passion of the Christ. Even as a child though, I remember sitting in our living room at Easter time, listening with my family to the Easter sections of Handel’s Messiah, and sobbing, unable to comprehend why anyone would do such things to my kind Jesus. Even now, with my older, intellectual understanding of why the authorities felt threatened by Jesus and why things had to happen the way they did so that we could be saved, I still find that the title, “Man of Sorrows, familiar with suffering” (Isaiah 53:3) brings tears to my eyes.

His closest friends first slept, and then deserted Him in His time of direst need. How could they do such a thing? And yet, how many times have I deserted Him to take the easy way? How many times has He asked me to stand by someone in their time of grief and I have drifted away, uncomfortable and valuing my own ease above the sorrow of another? Yet in my time of greatest need Jesus saw me, loved me, and walked the road to Calvary for me, enduring unimaginable physical pain and incomprehensible separation from His Father for me, one He knew would not love Him with her whole heart or serve Him with her whole being. Why? Perhaps the best way to reflect on these chapters is through a series of other scriptures. They express it better than I ever could. Many come from the libretto of the Messiah.

Matthew 19:2 – 26:1

Wow, this was the longest passage yet, and definitely included too much material to reflect on all of it, or even to list out all the familiar stories and parables it contains! So I’ll only mention two that caught my attention.

The first is the parable of the workers in the vineyard, in Mt. 20:1-16, and it goes something like this: The kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who goes out first thing in the morning and hires workers for his vineyard, agreeing to pay them a denarius for their day’s work. At the third, sixth, ninth and eleventh hours he goes out again and hires more workers. When he calls them all to be paid at the end of the day, he pays the last workers first, giving each a denarius. Those who were hired first are excited, thinking they’ll get more money, but they don’t. They are upset, but the owner reminds them that he paid what they agreed to work for, and he has the right to be generous with his own money if he wants to.

Sometimes I love this parable, and sometimes it annoys me. It is a beautiful portrayal of the grace of God – that He doesn’t give us what we “deserve” or give out extra points for having been a Christian longer – rather, He accepts each child with love and joy, and shows generosity to all. This makes me so grateful to God. What a relief! It is not my works or my perseverance that earns my way into heaven, but it is His free gift.

On the other hand, sometimes I think I do deserve a little something for my works. Why should someone who waits until the last minute and accepts Christ on their deathbed get the same reward as me? After all, I have been a Christian all my life and worked hard to follow Christ and avoid sin. Shouldn’t I get something for that? At times like these this parable annoys me. I feel like the first workers, and I understand their frustration. I feel like saying, “Hey, if you’re going to be so generous to those last folks, why don’t you want to be generous to us too? How come you’re only giving us what we earned, when you’re giving them much more?” At times like this I remind myself of Peter back in chapter 19 when, after hearing that it is hard for the rich to enter the kingdom of heaven, he blurts out, “We have left everything to follow you! What then will there be for us?” (19:27) Peter and I often share this feeling. “But Jesus, I’ve done what you said and it hurts! Is it really going to be worth it in the end? It’s hard following your way, and it seems like those who don’t follow you enjoy themselves an awful lot… where is the joy for me?” I don’t like to admit to this prideful, grasping part of myself, but it rears its ugly head much more often than I care to think about or remember. I am continually reminded of how far I have to go on the journey of sanctification when I read this parable and think, “How could those first workers be so selfish? God’s grace is free and equal to all,” only to realize that I so often act out of the same selfish attitude.

I think part of the remedy for this involves going back to the little children and remembering that I don’t deserve anything from God. The work that I think I do for Him is completely sustained and made possible by His grace in my life – I can’t claim the credit for any of it! I am just a little toddler, holding on to my Daddy’s hand – able to walk upright only because He keeps me there. Without His support, I would fall every time.

This goes along with the second story that really grabbed me in this passage. It is the well-known picture of the judgment where Jesus separates the sheep from the goats. What particularly hit me this time is that the sheep are completely unaware of their good deeds. There is not a trace in them of thinking, “I’ll do all these nice things so I can get into heaven.” No! They are surprised when Jesus lists all the ways they have served Him.

Not so the goats! They are astonished that they haven’t done things for Christ! They were probably smug when they were separated from the sheep, thinking, “I’m fine, look at all the good things I’ve done! I’ve been a great person – I’ve given to charity, I’ve helped people, people thank me for the things I’ve done, I’m well known for being a philanthropist. But those folks over there, they’re not well known for anything!” I don’t want to be like this! Smug and content in my laundry list of good deeds, which are all like filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6) in His sight.
This shows me that it is not necessarily what “I do for Jesus” through consciously serving others that matters; rather, it is the kind of person I become. The kind of person who serves others simply because they are in need – who lives a lifestyle of service, without looking for gratitude or congratulations. Who does not boast about her good deeds, but rather seeks in humility to use the gifts God has given me for the benefit of others. This is the way Christ calls me to – the way of giving my life for others, as He gave His for me.

Little Children

Matthew 13:54 – 19:1

There are many familiar stories and sayings in this passage – the prophet without honor, John the Baptist’s death, the feedings of the five and four thousand, Jesus walking on the water, clean and unclean, the faith of the Canaanite woman, the Pharisees’ demand for a sign, Peter’s confession of Christ, the transfiguration, the parables of the lost sheep and the unmerciful servant, and instructions on dealing with a brother who sins against you. But what particularly struck me, and what I want to focus on, is Jesus’ use of a little child to show the disciples what it means to be great in the kingdom of heaven.

This is something the disciples worried about a lot. They are argued about which one of them was the greatest, asked for seats of honor in the kingdom, and were generally interested in how to become the greatest in the kingdom. This is also something we worry about in the church today, although perhaps in subtler ways. We talk about people who seem particularly “spiritual,” we compare how much others are doing in the church to our own involvement, and feel gratified when we are doing more than others; we like listing off the missions trips we have taken or the number of years we have taught Sunday School; we publicize the fact that we have met or studied with well-known Christian scholars. What are these things but shrewd ways of putting ourselves a little higher in the kingdom than others? But Jesus turns this all on its head. When His disciples want to know who is the greatest, what does He do? He doesn’t give points for the number of souls won, list out a long inventory of activities to be completed, or even mention daily quiet times or prayer. Rather, He calls a child into their midst. And not just any child, but a “little” child. Then, He tells them that unless they change and become humble like this child, not only will they not be the greatest in the kingdom, they will never even enter it!

But what does it mean to become “like little children?” Perhaps it means we need to realize our utter dependence on God, and stop trying to pretend that we can do things in our own power to earn a higher standing with Him. Without His continual love and support, we would not be capable of doing anything to serve Him. Since He is the one who enables us, how can we presume to boast in our accomplishments (1 Corinthians 1:26-31)? As Paul says in 2 Corinthians 10:18, “it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends.” Lord, teach us to be like little children – to recognize our dependence on you and to serve, not in pride, but with true humility.

As someone who loves children, the next few verses in Matthew really make me smile, because they speak to me of how much Jesus cares for children as well. He says, “And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.” (18:5-6) While this is a sobering thought, particularly, I would imagine, for parents, as they endeavor to guide their children toward God in righteousness, the extremity of the punishment also shows Jesus’ deep care for and fierce love of children. Not only would it be better for this man if he died, or if he’d never been born, but it would be better for him to suffer an extravagant death – having a huge millstone tied around his neck and being drowned in the depths of the sea! Children are so precious, and spending time with them, guiding them to Jesus is one of the greatest privileges I have ever experienced. I pray that one day, I will have the privilege of leading my own children to Christ and watching them grow in righteousness and love of Him.

Seeing His Kingdom, Not Ours

Matthew 11:2-13:53

At the very beginning of this passage John the Baptist is in prison and sends his disciples to ask Jesus if He is the Messiah, or if they should wait for another. What prompted John to do this? The fact that Jesus didn’t fulfill his expectations of a conquering king bringing wrath and judgment on the wicked and establishing a geographical kingdom of God? Possibly. Could it also be that John had become focused on his own condition in prison and his own ministry, and thus had gotten out of tune with what Jesus was doing and how His ministry was developing? It seems that both these things are possible, even probable. How much do I – do we – do this in our own lives? God doesn’t fulfill our expectations in the way we had hoped or planned, and we get discouraged. We become so focused on our own lives that we don’t take the time to lift our heads, look around, and see what God is doing in the world – where He is on the march, and so we get out of tune with Him and think He isn’t working because we don’t see great strides being made in the areas we are focusing on. We get so absorbed in our own area of ministry or our own ideas about how to do something that we almost forget it’s God who is ultimately in charge and who has the master plan. Perhaps we, like John, need look and listen to what God is already doing around the world. Jesus did not perform some miracle or send some profound thought to John to convince him; rather, He told the messengers, “Go back and report to John what you hear and see: The blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cured, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is preached to the poor. Blessed is the man who does not fall away on account of me.” (11:4-6) What is God doing in the world? Are we a part of it? Or are we falling away on account of God’s often unconventional approach to life, ministry, and the spread of the gospel?

A few more scattered thoughts from the rest of this passage:

12:12b – “Therefore it is lawful to do good on the Sabbath.” As Christians we oftentimes have something of a split personality about the Sabbath. We don’t “keep the Sabbath” in the traditional Jewish sense – after all, that was part of the old Law and we have designated the first day of the week, not the last, as our day of communal worship in honor of Christ’s resurrection. But there are many sections of the church that still practice some sort of traditions on Sunday centered around “keeping the Sabbath holy” – spending more time on spiritual study or catechism, not doing normal work, spending time with family, etc. It has also become increasingly popular among some groups to incorporate Jewish Sabbath traditions into their weekly routines, to observe Sunday as a literal “day of rest” for mind and body (including, particularly in my community, not doing any studying or grading on Sundays), and to refrain from “business as usual” on this one day each week. While resting is certainly good, traditions can be helpful, and setting aside special time for communion with God and others is beneficial and necessary, what troubles me about these practices are the subtle undertones that those who don’t practice Sabbath in such ways are somehow less spiritual, less in tune with God, and not as good at time management. Having practiced some of these disciplines, I can say from experience that it definitely provided an ego boost to tell someone, “Yes, I have time to get together – I don’t do any work on Sundays.” The above words from Christ are very freeing to me in this regard – “it is lawful to do good on the Sabbath.” Christ seemed to see the Sabbath as a prime day of opportunity for ministry, and in so doing He defied many of the cultural norms surrounding Sabbath observance. I’m not sure exactly what my point is in saying these things, or if there even is one, but somehow I think it’s important to be open regarding Sabbath practices. If one person is called to “do good” in a way that we are not, we should not fault them for behaving differently, nor should we allow our ever-present pride to bubble up in self-satisfaction, congratulating us for having a more mature understanding of the Sabbath because “we rest.” In chapter 11 Christ says that He Himself will be our rest, and this is certainly not limited to one day each week!

13:33 – “The kingdom of heaven is like yeast that a woman took and mixed into a large amount of flour until it worked all through the dough.” Unobtrusive, ignoble, even invisible in its beginnings, the kingdom still makes its presence known by producing incredible results in the end. As in the passage on John the Baptist, we should not be surprised or dismayed if the kingdom looks differently at first or not as impressive as we had imagined. If we patiently wait for the dough to rise, stand firm through the processes of punching down, kneading, and baking, in the end God’s handiwork as the master baker will be apparent to all.

Compassion and Love - Freely Received, Freely Given

This is a long one... I'm finding it even more difficult than I thought it would be to write reflectively on a whole three chapters of Matthew! I feel like I'm just barely scratching the surface. And yet, I'm learning and digesting and thinking, so I'm thankful for this assignment!

Matthew 8:1-11:1

Jesus was so full of compassion. Touching a man with leprosy – just that simple touch must have meant so much; healing the centurion’s servant; healing Peter’s mother-in-law and then, that evening, “many” who were demon-possessed and “all” the sick(!); calming the storm; healing the violent demon-possessed men; healing the paralytic and forgiving his sins; eating with tax collectors and “sinners;” raising Jairus’ daughter and healing the bleeding woman; healing the blind and mute; “healing every disease and sickness.” And all that’s just in two chapters! Truly, “When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.” (9:36)

How do we respond when we “see the crowds”? Do we show compassion? Or do we get annoyed that there are so many things to be done, so many people needing or wanting our help, so many tasks to be completed? Do we see and respond to the ways those around us are harassed and helpless, or do we see them and only feel harassed ourselves? Are we so focused on how few the workers are that we forget the plentiful harvest? Jesus, help us to orient ourselves towards you, so that we may reflect your compassion into the world around us.

Several lines from the missionary discourse of chapter 10 stuck out at me as well.

10:7-8 – “As you go, preach this message: ‘The kingdom of heaven is near.’ Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out demons. Freely you have received, freely give.” Healing, raising the dead, and exorcisms all served as signs that the kingdom was near. While most of us may not have these giftings, what are we called to do or be as a sign that God’s kingdom is at hand? I have received so much freely from the hand of God – gifts, talents, relationships, possessions – and I am called not to clutch tightly to these things, but to be free with them. What can I freely give to others? Well, if I do not need to worry about what I will eat or drink, what I will wear, or even about my life (6:25, 31), I can give these things freely to others – food, drink, and everything that makes up life: relationship, my time, my thoughts, my love and compassion. And if I am not to take with me gold, silver, copper, extra clothes or luggage, I can give these things away freely too, without worry – my money, my clothes, my possessions – “for the worker is worth his keep.” (10:10) Since God is my employer He provides my room and board! More than that, He is my Father, who knows and provides freely for all my needs (6:32-33). Thus, anything I have can be given freely to others without worry for myself, because He cares for me.

10:16 – “I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.” How do we do this? What does it mean to be shrewd as we proclaim the kingdom? The innocence part makes sense, but how can we have a shrewdness that tempers our actions without becoming suspicious of others? I’ll have to look into this further.

10:30-31 – “And even the very hairs of your head are numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” Whenever I read this, I start to get tears in my eyes. Words so simple, yet so full of love. If even the smallest sparrow does not fall without my Father’s knowledge, how undeservingly precious must I be to Him! It reminds me of 1 John 3:1 – “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!” Although the word is tossed around often, I think our world today is so sparse and stingy with real love, and people are so hungry for it! What passes for love is often nothing more than flattery. Yet we have been lavished with the love of God! This is not a love that puffs up, but a love that builds us up towards faith and unity and the fullness of Christ (Ephesians 4:12-13). This is the love we must freely give. Oftentimes, when we are starved for love, we want to grasp and hang tightly onto any little bit of real love that comes our way. But love is funny that way. If we try to hang onto it, it will slip through our grasp. It is only in freely giving to others that we can know the fullness of the love we have received. As Christ says a few verses later, “Whoever finds his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” (10:39)

Light, Attitudes, and Fruit

Here's the next installment!

Matthew 5-7

Wow, there’s so much in these chapters, it’s impossible to “reflect” on all of it! A couple of things struck me in relation to drawing people in, showing forth His glory, and spreading the fragrance of Christ. First, the light of the world. 5:14, 16 says, “You are the light of the world… let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.” We are to be filled with light, shining for all to see. But oftentimes I think I am filled with shadows, not light. I complain – about school work, about “stress,” about the people around me, about small aches and pains, about how slowly graduation seems to be approaching, etc. Little things, all of them. I do not shine forth the joy and peace of God which transcends all understanding. Rather, I oftentimes respond to life’s little trials in worldly ways – by feeling put upon, or annoyed, or self-righteous. This is not acting as the light of the world, nor is it an attitude that would draw anyone towards Christ.

Second, how does 5:16 (“…let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.”) jive with 6:1 (“Be careful not to do your ‘acts of righteousness’ before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.”)? I think this must have to do with our attitude, once again. We are to be different from the world – set apart – a light on a hill. Thus, not only will our actions be gracious, giving, joyful, godly, and full of light, but they will be this way because our attitudes are aligned with God’s desires for us. If we are only doing good things to be seen by others, then our hearts are clearly not right with God. It seems we have a tight line to walk – we are to live in such a way that others can’t help seeing the difference in us, but we are not to live this way so that others will notice and praise us. A narrow gate indeed (7:13-14)!

Third, bearing fruit. In 7:15-20 Jesus says that good trees can’t help bearing good fruit, and are incapable of bearing bad fruit. Any tree that bears bad fruit is a bad tree. And yet I seem to see a mix of good and bad fruit in my life and interactions with others. Perhaps this is part of the already/not yet tension of kingdom life. It is my prayer that as Christ works in me, there an increasing measure of good fruit and a steadily decreasing measure of bad fruit. People are drawn to such trees, because they enjoy the fruits they provide. Lord, help me to increase the good fruits in my life and thus draw people to You, the source of all life and goodness.

With Unveiled Faces

How do we reflect the image of God? How do we become the kind of people who would actually enjoy spending time with Him? What do we reflect to those around us? A mirror reflects whatever it is pointed towards. So what are we pointed towards? Do we reflect Christ? Or do we reflect the world around us? Is our reflection of Christ accurate? Is it becoming ever more accurate?

This blog was born out of a class assignment to write a reflective journal on the Gospel of Matthew. Here's the first installment:

Matthew 1-4

I was struck by several things as I read through these chapters – the beauty and simplicity of the story of Jesus’ birth, and yet its harshness and tragedy as well; God’s complete sovereignty and guiding hand over all events, particularly as He spoke and worked through angels and dreams; fulfillment of prophecy – through Joseph’s actions and in John's and Jesus’ lives. But one of the things I found most striking was how much John’s harshness was directed at the religious elite of his day. Lately I’ve been discussing methods of evangelism with some acquaintances, and several of them are arguing for a kind of “hellfire and brimstone” type of evangelism that asks people if they’ve kept the Ten Commandments, tells them since they haven’t they’re headed for hell, but that Jesus provides a “way out.” But this focus on judgment is much more typical of John’s preaching than Jesus’, and even in John his severest warnings were given to the religious folk, not the garden-variety sinners off the street. It seems to me that we should focus these harsh judgments and warnings on ourselves – do we live up to the standards which Jesus described as true of people in the kingdom? (No!) Are we hypocrites as the Pharisees were? (Yes!) What are we doing to produce good fruit?

I’m also amazed at the way people were drawn to Jesus. All He had to do was “call them” (4:21) and immediately they left everything they had ever known to follow Him. The things He taught, preached, and did drew crowds to Him. People came from all over to receive healing and to see this man they had heard about. What was it about Him that had this powerful draw? How can we become like Christ in this way, so that people are drawn to us and the message we bring of peace with God through His Messiah? Paul says in 2 Cor. 2:14 that God “always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of Him” and in 3:18, “we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” These passages describe Christ and perhaps some others like Paul to a T. But I don’t feel like they describe me, or the church at large. I don’t feel like I’m being led “in triumphal procession… spreading everywhere the fragrance of … Him” or that I “reflect the Lord’s glory” very well at all. I suppose the answer is in the latter part of the verse – this comes from the Lord. So why isn’t His church, why aren’t I, following in His footsteps and seeking this from Him? Oh, how I long to be part of a community that shows forth His glory, preaching and healing and spreading the fragrance of Christ so that people are irresistibly drawn towards what they see there. We need so much to seek after Him.